雅思写作6分如何突破？

　　批改纠错是找到写作问题，是快速提升雅思写作分数的最有效方法之一了。今天小编会给大家分享近期批改的一篇6分学生作文，透过这篇文章，来解析考生中普遍存在的逻辑问题。

　　考试题目展示

　　Some people believe countries have moral obligation to help each other; others worry about the aid money cannot get to the poor of this world. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

　　注意事项来啦

　　by塔塔老师

　　题型方面：本文属于“讨论双方观点并给出你自己的看法”的问法，因此在构段时需要注意，结构必须采用双边讨论的写法，也就是题目里的两种观点都必须讨论到才行，而后经过比较后给出自己的观点。

　　话题方面：本文属于全球化话题，讨论的是“不同国家间是否应该互相援助”。

　　学生作文分析

　　When it comes to the question of how to support the developing countries, some people may think that the developed countries should provide financial assistance to the poor countries morally, but others think that the money cannot really go to the people in need.

　　The government of the rich country should offer the support of the poor country morally because it can contribute to world peace. In those remote and poor areas, residents may suffer from a variety of diseases, as well as poverty. Without external funding, many people would inevitably die without food supplies and medical care. In order to save more of the poor and sick, the authority of rich countries should accept the moral responsibility.

　　In addition, a lot of money cannot be sent to the world's poor because of the immaturity of institutions in poor countries. In developed countries, there are usually strict rules about how charitable funds are used. But for those poor countries, their institutions may not cover all aspects, so some money may be embezzled by some officials through some illegal channels. So even if some of the money is diverted to poor countries, officials in those countries can be an obstacle to better use.

　　From my own perspective, I am in favor of the idea that rich places have a moral responsibility to help poor places, which can promote the building of a harmonious world and encourage different countries to develop their society together with the help of different types of international aid.

　　分析问题

　　该文评分：内容6，逻辑5，词汇7，语法6。

　　评析时间：该学生的语言基本功其实很不错，但是总评分却还是在6分。从分数上我们不难发现，明显是逻辑得分拖了后腿。为什么？

　　观点未证明清楚：本文中，单独看每一个分论点时，表达都很清晰，而且展开也很充分。但是放在一起作为整体来看，最后表达的观点并没有把两种观点的关系联系在一起，特别是“in addition段”的内容完全没有在结论里体现出来。说得通俗一点，就是写了一篇观点没有证明清楚的文章。

　　事实上，很多学生在写大作文双边讨论结构的文章时都会有这个毛病：两边观点都写了，但是正反方观点的关系没有在文中讨论清楚，最后就很草率地写上了自己的看法，或是看文中哪边论点写得多就写哪边更重要。如果你也是这样，那么就要引起重视了，这是不正确的！

　　塔塔方法总结

　　以这道题为例，如果要讨论清楚究竟应该支持还是不支持国际援助，我们必须把两种观点建立起关联，我们可以参考以下的提纲：

　　开头段：复述话题+表达观点

　　主体段一：解释为何会有人担忧资助的钱到不了穷人的手里+反驳的理由（但是这并不代表我们不用进行国际援助，而是说明帮助那些贫困的国家的手段需要被优化）

　　主体段二：阐述国家为何需要互相帮助

　　结尾段：重申观点，总结分论点

　　中间，主体段一对于前半段的观点反驳是我们得到全文观点的关键。如果没有这里的理由呈现，整篇作文的观点将表达不清。

　　参考文章借鉴

　　Those who claim aid money cannot reach the global poor mainly because the poorest nations are particularly badly governed, where corruption, official incompetence and failure to protect fundamental property rights are incapable of producing the most desirable effect of receiving aid money. It can be confirmed with the example of Africa. Every year Africa receives an enormous number of financial help from rich countries, but it is not able to make economy in Africa prosperous.Nevertheless, the point here is not that we are supposed to be skeptical of the notion of international aid itself but that the way we implement it needs to be carefully designed and different kinds of foreign assistance should be adopted accordingly.

　　有了下划线部分阐述的观点后，随之在下一段中再补充为何要做国际援助的理由，全文我们才能顺理成章地得到整体的观点——国际援助是肯定要做的，但是帮助穷人的方式不一定是捐钱。（Generally, I think that helping each other among countries is right and the aid can take various forms besides capital. ）

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